you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
