I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
