She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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