He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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