Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
