I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
