he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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