All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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