I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
