He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
