why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
