Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
