Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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