You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I believe in your delicious
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
