Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
