Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
