you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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