I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
