yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
