Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
