Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
