So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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