How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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