grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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