glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
