I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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