Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
