he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize