Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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