I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
