I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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