Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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