Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
