party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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