Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you never un-have a 4some
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
