so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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