you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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