Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you never un-have a 4some
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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