How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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