I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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