Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
