Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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