I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
