I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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