I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
