Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I enjoy the company of your penis
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
