There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
