I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize