i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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