I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
