Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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