I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
