i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
