Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
