a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
