My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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