We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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