At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
