before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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