the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
