Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
