i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
