Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
