11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
