I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
