I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
