If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
