is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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